Texas Weather - By Austin Brown (paso por aqui)

I was talkin’ the other day to a man on my cell.  
He asked where I was ‘cause he couldn’t tell. 
“I’m in my office today gettin’ caught up,” 
I said with true sincerity as I put down my cup.
I blew the dirt and leaves off my truck’s dirty hood, 
Then put my tally book next to my cup and called it “good”. 
That day the “aircondition” in my office was set on “hot”, 
As the Texas sun beat down on me in that ol’ cow lot.
“But, I swear I heard a cow bawl over the phone. 
Are you sure you’re in your office all alone?” 
“Yep”, I said, and I wasn’t liein’ to the guy at all 
‘Cause my outdoors office doesn’t have a wall.
See, a rancher and cowboy are always “in” 
‘Cept on Sunday in church might be where he’s been. 
And, daylight till dark, all outside, are his “office hours”; 
His “aircondition” may be “on” hot, cold, dust, or showers.
Now, most ladies know that too much sun is a curse. 
But ridin’ horseback into a freezing, dry norther is worse! 
It will blister your face and turn it a bright crimson red 
And the only cure is “fatback” from a hog, it is said.
So, on we go, doing our work in our “office weather” 
And that’s why, when old, our faces look like leather. 
Many funny sayin’s come from men who work outside 
And the very truth of them can hardly be denied.
A man at Hueco Tanks said it had only rained there twice: 
Once it came down as hail and the other time as ice!
At Crystal City, a kid of fourteen said he had never seen it snow 
But he saw it rain there a little over five years ago!
Back in Noah’s day, they thought to get a good rain was a cinch, 
But at Mentone, when the flood was all over, they only got an inch!
And the wind at Lubbock can kick up a lot of fresh plowed sand, 
Which can result in a dust storm that will cover the whole land! 
After one of their “dust-outs” a farmer found a highway sign 
In his field that said, “Welcome to the Colorado State Line”!
Dalhart, which is named for two counties up there, 
Can get so cold and windy that it’s mighty hard to bear. 
I asked a Dalhart rancher if the wind blows like that every day. 
“Naw”, he said, “Sometimes it blows from the other way!”
A rancher at Muleshoe wouldn’t work outside, he told, 
“If mom and the kids can’t hold a cowhide over the keyhole!”
I asked a man at Pecos, “How much rain did you get last night”, and he cussed, 
“I don’t know ‘cause I keep the gauge turned over so it won’t fill up with dust!”
A guy from Uvalde, who had critters livin’ in his gauge, was a lot wiser. 
He reported that he didn’t even get enough rain to drown the spider!
A friend of mine from El Paso, retired to Midland, you see…. 
When I asked how he liked it, he said, “This humidity is killin’ me”!
 
 
Notes from the author: As we all know, Agriculture is dependent on moisture. There is no way to diminish its importance, hence, when meetin’ a “fellow of the land”, whether in town, out on the land, at church, or just….anywhere in Texas, the second thing one will say is, “You get any rain?” Never fails. It’s all about moisture. ‘Course, in the colder states where snow is a very important moisture source to grow the prairie grass in the spring, I guess they pray for “wet” snow, as well. Remember, if your church has faith in prayer and is goin’ to pray for rain, y’all be sure to take along an umbrella, hear?
Thanks a million for readin’ all the way to the end of this strange, Texas weather report! If I missed any of the “Texas weather sayin’s”, please send them on to me and I will gladly add them to the list.
In the meantime, “Keep your cinch tight, a leg on each side and your mind in the middle”! 
Gracias a Dios por la vida vaquero! 
 
By, Austin Brown (paso por aqui)